My Thoughts on the Duggar Situation #DuggarScandal #Duggar

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For the last week or so, I’ve read many articles about the Duggar situation. From national news to blogs, all the way to your (typical) rag mags – but this time, those ‘rag mags’ contained actual admissions and documented facts.

I’ve thought many times about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I’ve thought about why I wanted to say it and even if I would say it.

I’d say the what, how, why or if, doesn’t matter because people will hear it the way they want, see it the way they will and take it the complete opposite from what the original message is relaying. Hell, people will even “unfriend” you or make passive agressive statuses that are much more obvious than they realize – either that or they think people really are clueless.

Wrong. I don’t know about you, but I hear everything and everyone loud and clear. Even in the things that aren’t said aloud.

I think I’ve felt every possible emotion with every article I’ve obsessively read. I’ve been disgusted, saddened, angered, sickened, shocked, unable to comprehend, sensitive, compassionate for the victims. I could go on and on.

I realize this recent news about the Duggar family is not about me, specifically.

image credit: JonaBonus1Fan via Flickr

image credit: JonaBonus1Fan via Flickr

 

But, honestly, you know who it is about? Sure, it starts with the five (admittedly? alledgedly? Depends on who you’re talking to or what you’re reading.) victims.

It’s about any man, woman, boy, girl, – person – who has felt victimized, hurt, wounded, abused, wide open for the world to judge, shamed, dirty, ignored and more.

That may include you.  It may include me.  It may include the person sitting next to you on the subway, on the park bench, in the grocery store, behind or in front of you in line, on either side of you on a multi-lane highway, the teacher you just had a conference with about your child’s progress, the server at the restaurant, your lawyer who helped during the closing process on your home.  It could be your cousin sitting across the table from you.  Your colleague on a business trip.  The person you let out in traffic.

My point?  Abuse, molestation, pain, trauma, predators, status, age, community, religion, lack of something – none of those things discriminate.

My take on this entire Duggar situation?  I think the children were failed.  All of them.  From offender to the innocent.  My opinion that the alleged/admitted offender was failed does not mean I condone his behavior.  As a matter of fact, it creeps me out.  Another thing that bothers me is that Josh’s wife knew he had done these things because he admitted it to her and her parents, apparently 2 years, before they were married.  Does that not give you the creeps?  Now they’ve got children!

Sure, we’ve all got faults and pasts.  Lots of things can be forgiven, looked passed, laughed about or not even given a second thought about.

But being a mean girl in high school, trying a cigarette with friends, cheating on a test because you didn’t want to study or things of that nature are most definitely not the same as admitting to what is being reported in the news about at least five of the females that have crossed paths with Josh Duggar.

But what creeps me out the most – perhaps saddened is a better word – is that the girls, in my opinion, were not allowed time to heal.  I mean, my God, it seems as if their abuse, feelings and LIVES weren’t even considered or dealt with.  At least from what has been said and portrayed in the public eye.

And please don’t jump my shit for saying that no one should judge or to give them privacy or anything like that.  Perhaps they should have thought about that before judging others so openly and hypocritically, as well as living their life on television.  Well, at least what we thought was their life.  Maybe it was all an act?

I’ve also read about the Quiverfull movement.  From what I understand, men are basically superior and women are pretty much there to take care of the home, pop out babies and submit to their husbands in more ways than one.  Google it.  Or not.  Depends on how your emotions would take it and if you really want to know.  The Duggars do not self-identify with that from what I have read in excerpts from their books, but it makes it easiest to quickly understand things.

I’d be damned if I let one of my children stay in the home, bypass the statute of limitations, coddled and/or basically excused the wrong doings of.  What would that say to my other child(ren) that were victimized or potentially could be?!  MANY things, in addition to not being valued or loved by me and their father.

It would seem that the ones that were preyed upon have to re-live the past all over again.  Will they ever have closure?  The few months that Josh was sent away to do manual labor and receive supposed counseling don’t mean squat to me.  I can only imagine how those directly affected feel/felt.

I felt for so long that the Duggar family was a family we could admire, learn from and enjoy watching together.  It was not a show I had to turn the channel from when my kids walked in the room.  It wasn’t something I had to DVR and watch later due to language or things like that.

Since all of this news broke, both of my children have asked to watch 19 Kids and Counting.  My children are young, but let’s be honest, many children are wise beyond their years.  I told my children that we would not be watching this family on television anymore.  When they asked why, I told them it was not a family we could learn good things from.  Some of you may be thinking, but sure you can.  They’re polite, caring, etc.  Nope, not how I feel.  I, personally, feel they are fraudulent for lack of a better term.  Sure, they might truly be kind, caring, hard working and more.  But what message am I sending my children if I let them watch a “reality” show that has a family outwardly appearing in such ways when really they’ve got some horrendous things happening that have just begun to publicly hit the fan?!

Naturally, my children posed another question.  Why?  Mommy, why can’t we learn good things from them?

Well, now…how do I answer that?  As honestly and age appropriately as I can.  I told them that the news is saying that some of the family members have hurt other people and nobody seemed to think it was wrong.  I even went on to tell them that “no one is to touch or hurt you anywhere and you tell mommy and daddy if they do”.  (AND vice versa!)  They know who is or isn’t supposed to be taking care of them, helping them get dressed, who their doctor is, etc.  I rarely – and I mean RARELY – let them out of my sight.  Not for unrealistic, helicopterish, only seen on tv movies kinds of reasons either.  That is my choice, feelings, opinions, experiences, etc.  All things I am working through and/or towards.  I (somewhat) digress.

I could write about this topic until I’m blue in the face.  I could organize my thoughts.  I could ramble on about them.  I’ll never know who reads this or who doesn’t.  Maybe it offends you.  Maybe it resonates with you.  Either way, you made it this far in my post.

Nearly 1300 words later and this isn’t even the end of the Duggar situation for any of us.

Disclosure: This is nothing more than my thoughts.  It contains no sponsored content, no affiliate links, etc.  

Comments

  1. Amy Ledesma says:

    If these girls have forgiven him as they say they have why is nobody respecting that right? He did not do it to you. He did it to them. Judging by the show I do not think they are frauds. I think they are family who did an excellent job handling the situation. Had he been sent to Arkansas Juvenile system he would of returned a worse pervert and learned from other criminals how to really get away with it. As it was he was sent a way .Almost expelled from the family and made an example of to his siblings. They did talk to him. He was in trouble . They built a whole home with a girls wing and a boys wing to separate and protect the kids. The way the beds were set up nobody could be touched without a roomful of siblings descending on the abuser. They did a fantastic job and nobody gives them credit. They took a young predator and turned him around. I think they should write a book. They could help so many parents with troubled children.

    • Hi Amy, Thanks for your comment. I am not trying to disrespect anyone, especially the victims in this case. You’re right, he did not do it to me. He wouldn’t have gotten away with it, or it at least wouldn’t have gone unreported before statute of limitations ran out. However, I will say that if someone’s been through something, sometimes it dredges up feelings and I am free to express them on my site. I have to disagree with you about learning from other criminals on ‘how to get away with it’. If they were in the system, clearly they didn’t get away with it like Josh did. I don’t really care what happened to Josh. He should have been banished from the family home. What does that say to the daughters he did victimize?? Furthermore, it seems as though the separate wings apparently did not keep the predator from his prey. I think they’ve written enough books as a family. I think they should focus on the children they still have under their roof like they should’ve been to begin with. I did not realize you knew them so closely. I appreciate you taking the time to hopefully read my entire post.

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