Depression

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I am not trying to give medical advice of any kind with my post.  I am just sharing my feelings and experiences with you.

Depression.  Kind of a complicated word, right?!  I wish it didn’t have to be but in my world, it most certainly is.  I’ve dealt with depression since high school.  I was diagnosed with clinical depression around the time I was in 10th or 11th grade.  I just turned 30 this month, so that tells you how long it’s been part of my life.

Even though it’s clinical, it can also be situational.  A lot of the time, I don’t know why I am down or when it will hit me.  All I can do is try to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  For me, that means doing what makes me happy.  It can be something as simple as a nap or driving to Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced coffee by myself.  It can also be something as beautiful as time with my kids or a date day with my husband for lunch.

I also need to steer clear of things that are toxic.  Relatives or people that do nothing positive for my life.  I have to remember I am important and need to be healthy & happy in order to be there for my children (and husband).

I was depressed for a very long time due to things that I believe I cannot help – I can only maintain the things I know I need to do per my medical team.  Other things I know that contributed to that were some people around me that I have chosen not to allow in my life.  Sometimes that does hurt but I know I am a much more calm and happier person with them not in the picture.  Other things in life got better too, but I feel those things were just a matter of time and only God knew when they’d change.

I hate when people say things like, “oh but you don’t look or act depressed.”   Really?  How is one supposed to look or act?  Another good one is, “Are you sure you’re not milking this depression thing?”  Hmmm.  Yup, pretty sure.  I am not one to do things like that.

I was never one to take it as far as harming myself or others.  I just truly could not function.  Getting out of bed was hard in the morning…or whenever I finally made it out of bed.  It was extremely hard to even leave the house.  Of course, once I got showered and out the door, I did feel a little better.

Once I had my children in 2009 and 2010, I felt like they saved me.  I felt like my heart had been healed.  I am still Jenn and have bad/sad days but I really feel like they are my angels in more ways than one. I did go through post-partum depression after my son’s birth in 2010, but knew something was very wrong and my midwifery team was there for me in many ways.

I am not sharing this sometimes taboo subject in society with all of you because I want sympathy.  Heck nooooo.  I am not that kind of girl.  I just love writing my true feelings out and I believe even if this reaches one person or family, then that is really great.  Also, keep in mind that you don’t necessarily have to walk on eggshells around those going through bouts of depression.  However, you can just try to listen or offer a hug, a kind word, anything you are able to do that they might need or want.  I can tell you from my experience that a kind and listening ear is the best.

 

I really appreciate you reading this.  It is very personal and hard to write about, yet easy at the same time if that makes sense.

 

Comments

  1. I am glad you write about it. It needs to be shared. I love that you’re making strides to cut out the toxic. You have to do what is best for you and your family! 🙂 <3
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  2. Jenn sometimes it is necessary to remove people out of your life that are bringing you down. I have was in therapy for years and we spoke about that many times. I think that for me my depressions was shaped by a number of events that changed the way I viewed the world around me which left me feeling hopeless.
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    • Thank you so much Danielle. I really appreciate your kind, honest and insightful words. Thanks for stopping by and reading too!

  3. Isabelle says:

    Jenn, I thought this was a very heartfelt, vulnerable, brave piece to write. Depression has been a part of my life off and on since I was young. I understand the feelings you describe and the decision to avoid toxic people can be both sad and relieving at the same time.
    Very generous of you to share your heart. Thank you and may God richly bless you and your family!

    • Hi Isabelle,
      First, thank you for taking the time to read my post. It was all of those things you described it as (to write). You are absolutely right about it being sad and relieving. I am glad that you found something you could relate to by reading this. You’re welcome – but thank YOU for your kind words and thoughts. God bless you as well!
      – Jenn

  4. I battle depression but have yet to find my voice. Thank you for being brave a telling your story.
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